Sunday, May 3, 2009

Day Three: Lies so far: 1ish

The only lie I told today was a carryover from yesterday's lie. Everyone came in asking about how late the boyfriend worked last night, and so I had to lie again about it.

That's the problem with lies. They're never simple. They grow, snowball, take on lives of their own.

Radical honesty is sounding better and better. I only wish I had a job that would allow it. If I was 'radically honest' with my customers and coworkers, not only would I lose my job, I'd probably get my restaurant shut down by the health department.*

*Not that it should - it's actually quite clean compared to other places I've worked - I mean that I would have to, once in a while, tell people that I touched their bread with my bare hand - nothing terrible, but the health department might not approve. (I wash my hands regularly, I promise!!)

Oh, and last night the bar ran out of regular coffee so I served decaf to everyone. And no, I didn't tell anyone. I am a horrible person. Don't worry though - we got more coffee this morning, so everyone who drank coffee today got their expected dose of caffeine.

Quick! Define Beet!

They read the sign and followed instructions. They took menus from the pile and slid into the booth near the door. I walked by with an armload of dirty plates and told them that I would be right with them. Full hands in, full hands out. I dropped off the dirty plates in the kitchen, picked up some appetizers for a table outside and did a lap around the restaurant, delivering food and asking about refills.

Then I swing by the new arrivals in the booth. They point at the menu and ask me with a foreign accent (maybe German? Dutch? Something like that anyway...) What is this? Baby Beet Salad.
Me: Well, it's a salad with beets.
Them: What are....beets?
Me: A root vegetable. (They giggle.) Like a turnip? (Confusion all around.) Hmm... like in Borscht? You know, what Russians eat?

Ah! One guy gets it! He says something I don't understand, and they all nod, knowingly.

Them: It's like cabbage!
Me: Sigh. No... Hmm... Radish? (Blank stares) Okay, Carrot?
Them: Ah! Yes! Bugs Bunny!
Me: Yeah! So a beet is like a short, fat carrot. It's red. Kinda sweet.

They didn't order the beet salad.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Honesty Challenge Day Two: Lies so far: 1

A few months ago I was visiting my parents and they introduced me to the show Lie To Me. If you haven't seen it, it's a show about reading people's faces to see if they're lying. There is a character on the show that practices 'radical honesty.' He tells the full truth, regardless of how embarrassing or inconvenient it might be. I want to do that...well, without the social suicide aspect.

Of course, I'm off to a pathetic start. After work tonight my friends wanted to go to someone's house to hang out and have dinner. I didn't want to go. My coworker had been grouchy (as is normal these days) and I didn't feel like hanging out with her after taking her crap all day. So instead of saying that I didn't want to go, I told them that the boyfriend was working and therefore I couldn't go. (Then I texted the boy to make sure he didn't show up and ruin my lie.)

I didn't have to go with my friends, but I should have told them the truth. Instead, not only did I lie, but I dragged the boyfriend down with me. Sigh.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Honesty Challenge Day 1: Lies today: 1

Today is the first day of my no lying challenge, and I've already failed.

The boyfriend and I took our dogs for a long walk in the sunshine today.  It's a beautiful, perfect day outside.  We wandered aimlessly for a bit, then stopped at a new sandwich place for lunch.  We got our sandwiches to go and sat in the shade at the park across the street while we ate.  A perfect day.  Then, on the way home I asked to stop at the grocery store for some tortillas.  The boyfriend didn't want to come in, so he waited outside for the dogs.  After all, it doesn't take long to buy tortillas.  

Well, of course I couldn't resist wandering the aisles a bit in search of an impulse purchase or two.  I thought about buying some meat...nah - cooking seems like work on a beautiful day like this.  Maybe some ice cream?  Oh wait, I'm supposed to be eating better.  Maybe just a look...and five minutes of drooling over ice cream flavors later I remember that there is a boy with two dogs waiting for me outside!  Oops!  I head to the self checkout, pay, and leave.

When I get outside the three of them are sitting on the ground looking bored.  So what do I do?  Do I fess up to trying to decide what kind of ice cream to get?  No, instead I make up a regular (and not even a real regular - a completely random name) that I supposedly ran into while I was picking out tortillas.  

Me: 'Oh, sorry it took so long, I ran into Bob and he was talking my ear off.' 
The Boy:"Who's Bob?"  
Me: 'Oh, a regular from the bar - he was all blah blah blah and I couldn't get away until I finally told him that my dogs were waiting for me outside.'
The Boy: "Oh."
Me: 'I've officially lived here too long if I can't even go to the grocery store without getting stuck talking to people from the bar.'

I'm pathetic.  I couldn't even make it three hours without a lie.  And such a stupid, unnecessary one too!  I'm headed out for happy hour followed by dinner and a show with a friend - I'll try to keep myself honest for the rest of the day.  Wish me luck!